Before leaving for my master's, I had an internal chat with myself. I wanted to learn web development. That is crazy because I had my admission letter in one hand, a visa on my passport, and a plane ticket. But being me, I decided I could always do both. You can learn everything; this is the principle I use when approaching something unfamiliar. Life is too short not to chase the things that set your soul on fire. So, I opened my laptop, visited Free Code Camp, and had my first experience with Divs.
Fast forward, I’m in school now, and reality is hitting. And if you’re familiar with its game, you would know it throws a mean right hook. As much as I wasn’t enjoying the degree, I had to finish it. People sacrificed for me to be where I was, so I put web development aside to focus on school (or so I thought). I was mentally dragging myself to the finish line. I told myself, “If you can finish and get a decent job, you can keep learning and transition later.” I thought I was wise, but deep down, I knew that was fear talking.
Self-preservation is a beautiful oxymoron. It keeps us alive enough to see the next day while restricting and depriving us of what we truly desire. It starts with getting a job just to get by, then staying there because it’s comfortable. Two years later, you feel you’ve spent all this time in a place, career, or relationship, and leaving becomes scary. At night I’d tell myself, you had your first and second degree in communications. Why do you think you can walk away? These years of experience and education, are you throwing them down the drain? I was applying for communication roles again.
One day, I was surfing online and stumbled upon a boot camp scholarship. I applied and got in. It was the most intense 16 weeks of learning, but it was worth it. Staying around people, who are heading towards the same goal, makes fear fade into the background. The possibilities become endless, and your confidence is sky-high. Those weeks were rid of doubts. It felt good; this is something I want to do and where I want to belong. Then I’d wonder how far I would have gotten if I didn’t let fear creep in earlier.
The boot camp ended, and everything I felt prior came like the storm in Galilee. I would say, peace, be still, it would respond, “For where, we die here, o.” Every time I want to apply for a job, I keep hearing, “But there are people with actual computer science degrees.” Sometimes fear wins, some times it doesn’t. Recently, I found myself applying for communication roles again because of the need to preserve myself. I wrote this because I want to post on LinkedIn. And it’s eating me alive. Fear says, “You’re just going to tell everyone you’re transitioning? What if it doesn’t work out?”
I’m going to post regardless, and if you’re reading this and you’re scared to do something, here is your little encouragement to be like Nike, just do it. My name is Caleb Ibejigba on LinkedIn, and if by 18:00 on 15/04/2023, I haven’t posted, you can drag me.
This is so real! The endinggg😂😂>>> You will actually be dragged o.
I’m working at this place where I get owed, and the pay isn’t that great. But I don’t have the confidence to apply anywhere else. Because “who would give me one day off in a week on an already remote job”. That’s what my brain says. I’m scared I wouldn’t have the free hand I have at my current work place because I’m able to conveniently attend classes and do assignments and earn. But I want so much more for myself.
I’d start applying for better jobs now . Thank you!